I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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