I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize