I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
