My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
