i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
