I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize