you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All the doctor said was why
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize