I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
