I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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