How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
