The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
