everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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