I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
