Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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