You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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