Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
