this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
