i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
