Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
