I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
