How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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