please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
