well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
