My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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