If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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