I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
