It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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