Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
