i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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