In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
