i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
