i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am one with the molecules
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
