Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize