And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
