I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
