there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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