she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
