I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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