the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
