It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
