the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
