We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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