how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
