what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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