We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Farmville is her only friend.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
