what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He passed out mid-signature
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
