I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
