I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
