the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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