omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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