So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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