can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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