I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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