Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
