my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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