You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
