She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
