your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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