does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
