I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
