If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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