I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found puke in my bra..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm both gender and math confused
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
