xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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