I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize