Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
