In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
